literature

Imprinted On My Heart...

Deviation Actions

Lex-Logan's avatar
By
Published:
544 Views

Literature Text

It's easier to judge
When you're outside looking in
But if you look beyond the glass
You'll see it all begin

See the happy child
And why she's so lost today
It began back when he left
My joy it took away

But I am still alive
I'm still here, I'm holding on
I know you'll be there for me
Within me till I'm gone

So now I understand
That no one ever really parts
You will be with me all along
Imprinted on my heart
right this is another vesion of [link] I decided to take the very gratefully recieved reviews I got and I rewrote it :woohoo: I'm actually pretty happy but would like to know what you think compared to the origional :thumbsup:

I have to give an extra special thank you for the super helpful advice I got from :iconxerolien: his detailed critique helped ALOT :love:

:icongimmefeedback:

Hey there all :D

I would like to know what you think about the structure of this as a poem

do you think it flows

does it make sense

how does it make you feel

also if you dont mind having a looksee how much do you think it has improved as a pose to the original [link]
Comments10
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Xerolien's avatar
Haha, I was beginning to think "nonsense!" about some of the others commented on this piece, just until I read the last comment ^^;

Then I first realized that you'd changed according to the critiques they've been given you.
And that was the reason why I could not relate to what they were saying ;)

I think you've done a most wonderful job on this on, and I'm proud to have help you! :#1: :dalove:

INSTANT FAV'! :+favlove: